January 12, 2008

age: 30

location: Charlotte, North Carolina

Most of my early twenties were spent underneath the birch tree that sat next to all of the other birch trees in the forest, blocks down from my apartment. I never had much money those days and that was expected. I bought a studio apartment and squeezed my bed and drum set and dresser in and then spent my time outside everyday in search of air. One day, I saw a girl leaning against my tree and I waited a couple yards away until she moved. I grew impatient and I grew uncomfortable. The tree I sat under didn’t have the right lighting, and the grass was moist. A couple years later, when I found a decent job and earned some cash, I decided to move out of the apartment. On moving day, I took out my bed and drum set and dresser and then I headed over to my tree. I looked at you and said goodbye. You thanked me for the company. I’m coming back soon. I just need to tell you that the tree by my new apartment doesn’t have the right lighting and the grass is moist.

age: 14

location: bedroom

It’s too late to know what time it is. The blinds are closed but I know its dark outside – just dark enough for the sun to come up shortly and become early morning. Hours ago, I put on my glasses and changed into my pajamas and went into my room to go to bed but not to fall asleep. That’s what I do. I stay up late and wake up early and spend an hour eating a bowl of cereal. It’s getting a little cold sitting here. Actually, it’s just chilly, and I don’t want you to confuse the two. There are no more blankets and I am left alone (but not lonely – I don’t want you to confuse the two). I started a conversation with myself earlier tonight but I have just started to continue it out loud.

-Why are you writing?
-Because I have something to say.
-What are you saying?
– I don’t know.
– Well then, why are you writing?

And the shoes lying on the floor need to put away into my closet. This isn’t the time to do so. My mind is using up the energy in my bones, and I can feel that it’s still dark yet, and I don’t need to move my shoes until tomorrow. My eyes are beginning to ache, and I’m beginning to think that I have no idea where I am going with this and finding it all a bit dysfunctional, but maybe even beautiful. Or am I confusing the two?

 

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